THE SLAIN OVERGROWN FEAR MONSTER

I guess an introduction about why this blog is in order, so….. here we go…..

What this blog will mainly be used for is to document my computer troubleshooting findings I deem worthy to reference at a later date. Anything ranging from PC to corporate. At times I will also be sharing the inter conflicts I struggle with day in and day out. Subjects ranging from music to parenting to food to yadda yadda yadda.

How the idea of a blog started…..

Simply, a friend suggested it, and I did it! haha!! Ok…. a little longer explanation…. One day I was sitting here with my friend, Jobin (due to the sensitive nature of personal information, my friend’s name has been changed for this story), and i was trying to figure out how to use Port Fowarding on our router that I may access my testing servers at home (I am working on getting certified in Server 08). Upon troubleshooting and research we realized he was already using the default port for RDP for another machine and I had to configure an alternative port to make my machine work. After figuring out the answer and feeling accomplished, Jobin suggested I find a way to archive my findings for future reference. After a few hours of contemplation, this blog was born.

Who am I and why this blog….

Disincentive comes to mind when thinking about my chosen career path and education in the past. I can sit and write till my figures are numb with excuse upon excuse of the deterrent that has led me to the place I was at 5 months ago. And…. I could have honestly lied to your face and say it wasn’t MY FAULT!! But like I said, it would have been a lie.

My first job was at a Carls Jr. about two block from where I lived right off the freeway. My motivation was this…. Dad won’t buy me a car or stuff so I have to make money for myself. If you ask me? That’s pretty good thinking for a 15-year-old! I was ready to do my part and contribute to the economic infrastructure of this powerful nation. I was ready to help this world turn! I was ready to help the cause of whatever marketing scheme impressed me the most! Almost overnight, capitalist corporate America were knocking at my door salivating calling, no, more like beckoning me! They had seen what I have become! A 15-year-old with no bills, no mortgage, no family to support and an endless amount of expendable revenue! Earned by the sweat of my brow, and at $6.75 per hour working 15+ hours a week they were right!! I had become Joe Consumer!!

*despite the negative connotations this paragraph may have painted, I do love free-market capitalism and I vote conservative most of the time*

but….. I digress….

That was probably the last time I was really motivated to do much of anything worth my productivity. Motivation to better my standing in society and in the food industry laid dormant. Going from waiting job to waiting job, cook job to cook job. All the while consuming the proper knowledge on how to excel and do my job well. Potential, as some would call it. But potential does not take you anywhere if you do not want to go and I chose not to.

Fear has the ability to crush all understanding and logic. It can leave a grown man cowering in the fetal position sobbing uncontrollably. Fear consumed my career choices! I knew I did not want to continue in the food industry, but didn’t know what to pursue. I was rendered inert, unable to leave due to fear of the unknown. My biggest fear, choosing a career path, pursuing it, and after years of hard work and money spent in education and climbing the ladder, finally deciding it wasn’t what I wanted to do with my life! Hey!! I’ve seen what happens to those kind of people in the movies! I have seen family members in that position! I’ve seen and heard of people commit suicide over choices like this! I’ve seen families broken because of these issues! Like I said… Fear has the ability to crush all understanding and logic… And it left me, a grown man, cowering in the fetal position sobbing uncontrollably over this issue. The irony is, fear had left me in the position I wanted so much to avoid!

Proper motivation did not present itself till about two years ago. My wife and I were presented with a plus sign! Naturally the thought of raising a child with my inadequacies consumed me. I was a no career working grunt who was in between jobs. That is unfortunately what I had to offer my daughter. This was a little daunting and a bit depressing. My daughter would have to go around confirming her father, her provider, was an uneducated grunt worker of his own making because he was too lazy and too scared to take a leap. I felt embarrassed and low. How can I tell my daughter anything worth my own salt if my salt was tasteless!? How can my daughter ever trust what I tell her about life if I never lived my own!? How could she ever trust what I said about hard work after never even done any!?  The close coming birth of my daughter awoke me from my slumber!  I wanted to become an example for her.  Show her education matters.  Show her hard work pays off.  She was my inspiration to DO something instead of just work!  So instead of the bleak future I was spiraling my family toward, I decided to enroll in a vocational college to start.  The tech field seemed the obvious choice when I actually sat down and thought about it!

My daughter has brought me out of the slough of despond, as John Bunyan would put it.  She has moved me to do things I would probably never have done had she not been born.  Though this blog may be insignificant to most and most won’t ever read it, it  means everything to me because of what is represents.

This is dedicated to my beautiful daughter Isabella Grace Munchichi Zebra Zombies Gervacio.

I Love You Always

Learning Tech One Bit At A Time